"Women are born with pain built-in."
A Fleabag-esque analysis
To be very, and rightfully dramatic, everyone who's seen the memorable Fleabag emerges differently in one way or another. The hearty, witty dialogue is nothing short of genius, a quality of the show's luminary and creator, Fleabag herself-- Pheobe Waller-Bridge. Like many fans, I cherished one quote especially (Hint: It's quoted in Season 2, and it isn't "Kneel").
Episode 3 marks a turning point in Fleabag and her audience's view of femininity, using Kristin Scott Thomas to deliver perhaps the heaviest message of the season.
"Women are born with pain built in."
"It’s our physical destiny – period pains, sore boobs, childbirth. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out. They invent all these gods and demons so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own.
And then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other and when there aren’t any wars they can play rugby. We have it all going on in here, inside. We have pain on a cycle for years and years and years, and then just when you feel you are making peace with it all, what happens?
The menopause comes. The fucking menopause comes and it is the most wonderful fucking thing in the world. Yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles and you get fucking hot and no one cares, but then you’re free. No longer a slave, no longer a machine with parts. You’re just a person."
Though I watched this episode over a year ago, it stuck with me indefinitely, capturing a tragedy I pondered if all women inherited. En sue, a viral TikTok transpired (see below @f1uer).
Anything on the subject of women divines controversial these days. Some users in the comments attributed the "Women are born with pain built-in" concept to Christianity's first woman, Eve, which fed an expected upheaval.
This notion most accurately derives from Genesis 3:16, where God outlays Eve's punishment for eating from the notorious tree's fruit, and tempting Adam, acquiring consciousness from good and bad.
To the woman, God said,
"I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain, you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."
Some Christian women who identified with "Women are born with pain built-in" found it faith-strengthening. Others credited Eve for the inherited pain of all women.
One comment comically jabs, "Eve, when I catch you, Eve..." Another comment writes, "No way Eve did was bad enough for us to suffer inside and out like this. Atp [at this point], what are we really being punished for?"
I began to wonder about this myself. But it wouldn't be the first time society cast blame on women for the curse that is life.
As many before me have noted, there are striking parallels between biblical Eve and Greek mythological Pandora. Both play starring roles in the downfall of humanity, curiously indulging in the forbidden.
In retaliation for Prometheus stealing fire for humankind, Zeus gifts Pandora to Prometheus' brother, Epimetheus. A beautiful gift indeed, "made out of clay by Hermes to be `like a modest virgin', dressed by Athene, and finally crowned by Hephaistos with a marvellous golden diadem," only for Pandora to open the jar befalling every evil into the world.
Pandora's lovely appearance and disobedient nature (much like Eve) suggest women are packaged nicely, disguising inherent beguiling contents. In other words, the woman is not to be trusted, she deceives with her sexuality, bringing suffering, explaining "the general and irreversible fall of man from a happier and easier existence" (Brown, 1997).
Rendell in the December 1985 edition of the Women Artists Slide Library Journal puts it best: "Our leaders need the mythic certainties of the Golden Age, just as they need scapegoats for its destruction: it is their excuse for failing to improve on grim reality" (p. 9).
Carl Jung refers to The Golden Age as the original state of "perfection, wholeness, and beatific containment" before corruption and consciousness (Kalsched and Jones, 2018). The baby is expelled from his mother's womb, and the imperfect human awaits his exile from The Garden of Eden. The woman emulates both protection and destruction.
Hindu goddess Kali demonstrates the duality of this aspect, transcending the traditional concepts of good and bad. "She who is black" epitomizes death, destruction, creation, and love in one entity.
I will end these hopefully comprehensible rambles with a comment from my comment section:
"We quite literally carry the burden of creating and holding the pain of the world. That's kind of beautiful, though." — @mystysage on Tiktok
Sources
BROWN, A. S. (1997). APHRODITE AND THE PANDORA COMPLEX. The Classical Quarterly, 47(1), 26. https://link-gale-com.library.collin.edu/apps/doc/A53479147/AONE?u=txshracd2497&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=0f2312f7
Kalsched, D., & Jones, A. (2018, August 11). Myth and psyche. CG JUNG FOUNDATION. https://www.cgjungny.org/myth-and-psyche/
Rendell, C. (1985, December). Pandora's box. Women Artists Slide Library Journal, (9). https://link-gale-com.library.collin.edu/apps/doc/A264012337/AONE?u=txshracd2497&sid=bookmark-AONE&xid=f6b5db1b
Undoubtedly, I resonate with much of what you've shared considering that women have always endured the blame and excruciating physical pain. I want to add that this original negative association with the "punishment" should not be continuous. Instead, we should embrace this pain as something glorious.
Due to propaganda that "women are faulty, deceptive, immoral," we believe that these natural processes are acts of revenge. We allow the patriarchy to enforce this belief that this was vengeance for us being women. For example, Motherhood; the painful process that initiates with the gut-wrenching screams of childbirth. This pain--these elements--define women. Nonetheless, we are filled with despair for being born a girl with these built in biological features.
Moreover, although we have already suffered enough, internally and externally, men magnify these pains for being born a women. They create wars against us. "And then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other and when there aren’t any wars they can play rugby. We have it all going on in here, inside. " They weaponize and threaten us.
Our bodies are taken and ravaged. Our beauty is exploited. Our fragility and voices are overlooked. The patriarchy blames, hurts, and despises us. And in exchange, we (women) continuously hate ourselves.
Hence, we should not view these sufferings as a negative process; however, as an empowerment. Understanding that despite biological pains and the patriarchy demeaning us, we are still prevailing.